you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
