Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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