I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
