Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
