My room smells like vodka and shame
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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