How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
