My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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