Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
