Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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