I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
