He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
