is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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