it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Is it because I queefed?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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