I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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