My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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