make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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