Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I love you.
Bad choice
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
