i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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