I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just blew my weed a kiss
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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