somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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