Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
