It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
