i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
