Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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