bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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