YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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