yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
