i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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