Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
