she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
