you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
