Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
