I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
