i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
