Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
