Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
only you would photoshop your dick
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
