: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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