I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
