sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
