I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
