My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
