i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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