I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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