I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
