U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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