she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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