Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
