Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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