Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
