Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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