at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
